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Post by AndrogynousMelon on Feb 18, 2008 2:25:24 GMT -5
I was a very spoiled child. First born grandchild/niece on my mothers side. Beloved by all. The lean times didn't hit till I was about 12 and mother-fuck did they swoop down with a vengence.
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Post by Spammich on Feb 18, 2008 2:41:16 GMT -5
I was born and life wasn't hard as a little girl, I ca't remember, but I remember my Dad losing his job when I was six, and then we were living off his unemployment checks and my mothers minimum wage retail job at a toystore. I was so very hungry T.T But my moms friends gave us pizza and vitamins.
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Post by AndrogynousMelon on Feb 18, 2008 3:13:39 GMT -5
When I was twelve my mom had a miscarriage and two strokes within six months of one another. She spent the next three years recovering her own mind, pretty much. And relearning how to walk and talk and feed herself. It's kind of a hard thing to watch your hero fall to pieces like that. Makes you question a lot of things and sort of realize that no one has immunity from that sort of thing.
From that point on it was barely squeaking by on my dads income. It was strained at best, bills going unpaid and utilities getting shut off and on off. We didn't go on state aid because my father was too proud. House issues started up with my uncle. Long story short he was trying to screw us out of our own home because he'd put himself in debt. The fight over the house lasted up until a few months ago. In the process I lost my uncle and my grandmother is no longer allowed to see his children.
During this I had major head issues. Panic attacks and all sorts of nasty stuff that kept me out of school for a while. And then I lost all credit for the year because I hadn't physically attended enough days, though I had done the years course-work and had been told (repeatedly) by the guidance councilors that I would pass so long as I kept up with therapy and of course passed my classes. In the next year I went to a different high school- the one where I was the uppity white girl. I didn't attend often, and dropped out after half a year.
In between those years my grandmother lost her vocal chords to cancer. My father had several bad jobs in which clients would not pay on time or tried to screw him out of thousands of dollars. There was an instance were a man stretched his wallet too thin and tried to have my fathers carpentry license revoked to get himself out of it. He was a cop and so he pulled all sorts of disgusting, intimidation tactics. He wound up going bankrupt and we still haven't seen a cent from the job. My father did four months of work. In another job there was a man claiming he was licensed contractor- and wasn't. He siphoned funds from the job and tried to push it off on my father.
Most recently, we moved. I have not been able to find a job, and neither has my mother. My father is again supporting the entire family- he's still in Connecticut, cleaning up the remains of the house mess. He's decided to accept some state aid. I spent some time in the hospital (my 20th birthday included), had minor surgery- and whatever put me there is still kicking around. I've accumulated preposterous medical bills.
There's my lean times. HOPEFULLY THEY ARE DONE.
Now I want to hear everyone elses trials. Come, let us bond.
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Post by alba on Feb 18, 2008 7:56:48 GMT -5
Aww, Melon *gives Melon an enormous hug*. I really don't have anything to compare with that. The worst thing I can think of is that I need to track down my best friend to apologise for telling him he looks like Harry Potter on Friday because I know he hates that (I was drunk, and angry at him) and I need to stop avoiding him. But still, that's nothing compared to what you've posted, so I'll shut up and give you another hug, because hugs make everything better *nods wisely*. So does Galaxy (chocolate bar) and milk. As previously mentioned friend put it 'it's like the hug you can eat!'
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Post by Spammich on Feb 18, 2008 14:37:59 GMT -5
Wow, Melon. My father has never been screwed over by clients, he is a engineer for a company that does work for the government right now. The worst thing that he has to deal with is cleaning up the messes the idiotic people he works with make.
(Sidenote: My sisters hair smells like candy =o)
Aside from being malnutritioned as a kid, I was never unhappy... Because obviously I had my sister, and we were able to keep our minds off the malnutrition. Things didn't get bad for me until I started hanging out with certain people in elementary school. I was really naive and thought they were my friends, and as it turned out, they weren't (though one was actually but that ended a year ago). Pretty much it sank in after a few years, and I became realy angry, violently angry. I started doing things that could have gotten me into huge amounts of trouble if the kids went to their parents, which thankfully they didn't because I scared them half to death. I started having religeous problems in middle school that didn't run smoothly, pretty much I was told that I couldn't be wiccan by a school counselor because other girls, the ones that watched the Craft too much, caused problems. So I caused problems for those girls, problems that got them exspelled while I sat back and laughed at them. The only thing that really kept me in school was the music program, I wish that the community college I attend from time to time had a better program but my urge to play music died when I graduated from highschool. Middle school was only two years for me and when it was time to start attending highschool, the few friends I managed to keep were going to attend a different one. So I didn't have a single person to bond with my freshman year. I was already cutting myself since the seventh grade, and not for the same reasons as most people cut themselves and I still don't really know why I did. But pretty much that continued through highschool and became friends with one of the people who backstabbed me back in elementary school, as well as people who had worse mental problems that myself (Trey excluded). Pretty much the girl who backstabbed me back then was just taking advantage of my hospitality, because I let her live in my home and share my bed for seven months because she was abused. She stole my Dad and my sister from me, and she nearly stole Trey's friendship which didn't happen thank god. She moved back in with her family even though my family didn't want her to, and my family went on a trip up north to visit my dad's brothers, mum and dad. And I got a long distant phonecall from a mentor that Trey, this girl, and myself shared at a local thatre, asking me if she was really abused and molested. I told him the truth and she moved in with him when I was gone. That was extremely painful to me because I felt betrayed that after all I did to protect her it amounted to nothing when she needed help again. It went downhill from there, and I'm not going to mention anything else because it is a little too personal to both Trey and myself. Now, I'm generally happy, though I've been having an identity crisis mostly because I'm confused about my sexuality, it has really been bugging me lately because I go to Rocky and there is all this sexual tension that I can't deal with because I'm afraid of commitments with people that I see as promiscuous. It is probably one of the reasons why I'm still a virgin, I'm knowledgable about a lot of things moreso than a lot of people who have too much sex, but I'm still the innocent one with big tits, whose advice amounts to nothing because virgins are stupid. I've kept a pretty good handle on it though, because I don't really start really getting mad and sad about these things unless I'm feeling lonely. But yeah. I think things are going to get a lot better real soon.
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Post by Clover on Feb 18, 2008 23:55:12 GMT -5
Awe, guys. I love you both--Melon, don't worry. We will get our devious and dastardly plans off the road, and make monies. Until then, keep plugging, it's not over til your dead, and so long as you avoid that for as long as possible, you can always improve the situation. Or piss people off, which is almost as good.
And Spam, you are totally badass The End. Terrifying, but awesome and badass. (Though I thought you were poly/pan? O__O)
And I actually don't think I have anything to bitch about. I mean, anything I say is gonna sound really trite. Like, incredibly so. I was born in Colombia, grew up in the Dominican Republic--and there, the class system never got the memo that it was over and done; the lighter the skin the better you are, and the more money you have the more powerful you get. And I am very pale, for a halfsie, and I have naturally blonde hair (though I dye it red) and light eyes. Suffice to say, I had the sort of childhood people hate me for. Had my own horse, took lessons and was on the Equestrian provincial team, I was on the National team for competitive swimming--went to a private school and had a nanny and a chauffeur.
That changed when my parents divorced and my mom moved to Canada to be back with her family: money was tight, but there was always food on the table and a roof over our heads. And if I didn't have 200 dollar jeans...well, I had enough for new books, and that was good enough. But I was unhappy; I hated living here, away from my friends--and I am naturally very outspoken, so people thought I was bossy, and I address teachers as almost-equals, so people thought I was a showoff. I was miserable for a couple years--from grades 5 to grades 8; I was sensitive about my looks, about my intelligence, about talking, even. I have a bit of an accent, since I pronounce words differently on occasion, and I'd get teased for that. But then again, even in the really bad times, there was something. In grade six, I was introduced to the violin, and that was my 'thing' to hide in; if I hadn't been hiding in it, I don't know that I'd be as good as I am today. Even so, I still started cutting.
And then I got into my arts-highschool, and stuff picked up again; I started eating healthier, walking and working out more, I started loosening up around people and growing into myself. Again, I was studying the violin as my major, but I started making friends--still cut, unfortunately, but I was more discrete about it. I also fell in love at sixteen, with this girl named Nikki--we were together, openly, for a year and a half (and when I say openly, I mean to everyone but her parents and my mom and stepdad. My dad did know), and then the relationship ended. It was ugly, and a bad breakup, and I picked up a lot of old, bad habits--mostly cutting. I was unhappy for a long time, and two years after the breakup, it still has an effect on me. But again--silver lining: I'm more aware of myself now. And I'm more capable of standing up for myself.
And so, yeah. I don't think I have anything that really compares with your guys' stories. But wow, it feels good to get that out. Sharing is caring, I guess.
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Post by AndrogynousMelon on Feb 19, 2008 1:27:09 GMT -5
See that's the thing, you can't ever say "my story doesn't compare to yours" or think that whatever you go through had any less of an impact than anyone elses particular tribulation had on them. Because while (for example) alba might say she hasn't gotten anything on my life- my life would certainly pale against that of say, a Rwandan childs. And yet we probably all went through the same motions in our heads; doubt, disbelief, fear and everything else that leads to coping. I'm sure every single person trolling these forums has had times where they felt they would absolutely snap, or perhaps are still slogging through them.
For me, it's been spaced out over years and is really darkly funny to look back on. The sheer number of times my family has been screwed over is terribly and hilarious. But I wouldn't trade any of it. Not bad relationships, no strained familial relations, not hoping the water gets turned back on soon so I can shower or even the anxious paces down hospital hallways. I learned a lot of things from it. I'm capable of dealing with a lot of things from it, and I certainly appreciate everything I have. Maybe I was forced to do without sometimes because I have a habit of doing just that, not appreciating what it is I've got. That's how I believe the whole thing works, really- you learn what you need to learn.
Example: went through a thing recently with the boyfriend, this is maybe two months past? I've a terrible, horrible habit of over-analyzing my relationships. I start wondering if I feel the way I feel for the sake of the person or if I'm making an ideal of them. Generally I find out it's the ideal I'm excited for. Went through a period of about two weeks where I thought I was going to lose him (in a way terribly unfair and just smacking of bad fiction, half the time I was in utter disbelief that it was even OCCURRING). I about lost my mind, as a couple people here can attest, and through all the questions that cropped up I discovered something. No matter what happened I wanted it to work so badly I'd deal. For me that is a pretty big thing. And now I don't have that nagging "do you really honestly or are you trying too hard" in the back of my mind.
So I think we're only handed what we need to grow as people. THOUGHTS ON DIS? (ha I'm attempting to initiate srs discussion =D)
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Post by Rick Garcia on Feb 19, 2008 3:35:57 GMT -5
I agree wholeheartedly, Melon. I'm sure we've all been through tough times. That's life, I'm afraid. If things were always so easy, well, I don't think there'd be much of a point to it at all. (Hope I'm making sense... Must stop posting when I'm half-asleep...!) How's that saying go? Something about needing to feel a little pain to appreciate whatever pleasure you get. Something like that.
As for myself, well, there was my parents' divorce, I guess. It got pretty ugly for a bit, and I had no idea what was going on at the time. I honestly hoped that they would get back together for the longest time, but Mom just seemed a lot happier being away from Dad. And now, he's always really hostile or cold towards her whenever we drop by and visit. Who can blame him, right?
So it goes. Can't be helped. I just find it kind of sad that I really think nothing of it now. (Eep, kind of pathetic, I know. XD)
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Post by AndrogynousMelon on Feb 19, 2008 4:19:56 GMT -5
Nothing pathetic about it. Divorces are hard shit for kids. Aaaand you're older and have obviously dealt with it well so it's not all that sad eh? Just well handled. Before ma's strokes my parents were on the verge of divorce for a good two years. It took her pretty much almost dying for them to realize they wanted to stick it out. But they did so that is further proof of "stuff needs to go bad for you to appreciate what you have".
A-and I know I keep throwing things in I'm not trying to elicite pity >.> BUT STUFF HAPPENS. So I know where you're coming from at least partially on that and it's not pathetic.
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Post by Spammich on Feb 19, 2008 5:14:33 GMT -5
I agree with you Melon. I wouldn't trade anything that has happened to me becasuse then the better stuff probably wouldn't have happened at all. I wouldn't be as good of friends with Trey now if the stuff with the other girl didn't happen, because that occurance allowed us to have real trust in one another even though we fight like a married couple sometimes which we have been getting through easier recently =D
As for couples and relationships. I thought I knew how I was and what I wanted. I dated one person for six months because I was afraid of not being in a relationship. And this was a bad thing to do. I lied a lot to the guy and to myself during those six months. See, I am a terribly shallow person who is mildly vain, I am literally repulsed by people that I find ugly, and this boy I dated was ugly. I dated him because he showed interest, and last year my self cofidence was taking a plunge mostly because my other female friends were attracting all this male attention and I wasn't even getting a glance. Anyways, I couldn't do "anything" with him, and he was steadily getting more and more angry, even though I gave him as much affection as I possibly could. So he cheated on me, and when that relationship didn't turn out the way he wanted to, he tried to get back together with me, which I didn't. I had a epiphany about myself, and I told him that I didn't have to change my wants and needs because of him, and that it was better for me that he was out of my life because all he wanted was sex. He got mad at me and kept asking me why I didn't want to have sex with him and I told him the truth, that I never actually loved him, and the reason I didn't was because he was ugly (and pretty mean to me at the end of it all). I haven't let another person get close to me again that I didn't find attractive in some way. The boys at Rocky, most of them are okay, but I wouldn't date a single one. As for the girls that are actually beautiful I am happy just being around them and having them as friends, because why would I want to jeopardize my Rocky family with spur of the moment relationships that won't last?
An answer to Clovers question to me... I was poly-pan for a little while, and I am still certainly 100% pansexual, though now polyamorism hasn't looked inviting to me at all and I haven't had the need or want for it. I think that I'm mostly manogamous now because when I thought about it, I have to make another person happy and comfortable with me and so I can't bring myself to want more than the person I want to give my affection too. I'm dominant, and a sadist who can read most people very easily, and I would rather focus that part of me on a single person. I don't want to be spread thin, it wouldn't feel fair, and any relationship that I'm in would already have to deal with my arcade addiction and the constant adventures I have with Trey.
I have been infatuated once, but that didn't turn out so well for me, and I'd rather not talk about it because my mind still hasn't completely wrapped itself around it.
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Post by alba on Feb 19, 2008 12:14:15 GMT -5
aww, Melon, thanks. Now that I feel confident that you won't decide I'm annoying and whiney I think I'll talk a bit more, it'll feel good to get it out, I think.
The guy I mentioned before as my best friend is, more accurately, my best friend at uni, so I've only known him for a few months, though sometimes it feels like years (but still one of the closest friends I've ever had). Anyway, we started dating about six weeks ago (reeeallly bad idea. Never date friends. The problem is, I like to know people before I go out with them, so friends are prime candidates), and last week he broke up with me, saying he really valued me as a friend but didn't want a relationship. For some inexplicable reason I'm really upset about this, maybe because it was the last thing I expected. I talked to one of our friends about it, who went to school with him and has knows him for years, and he was a surprised as I was, because apparently this guy had actually liked me since we met back in September. Anyway, I tried avoiding him, because I feel a bit betrayed by him and like I can't trust him because he used to be such a good friend, but I can't seem to avoid him for more than a few days because I'm used to seeing him daily during term-time, and so then I try to hang out with him but it just isn't like it used to be. We used to be able to sit up until the wee hours of the morning (and once as late as 6) just talking, and never seemed to run out of things to say (we also joked that we exuded alcohol in one another's presence, because we seem to feed off each other and be crazier than we are on our own, and I think that was just because we were so comfortable with each other), but yesterday I went round to his house to apologise for being rude to him on Friday, and it was the most awkward thing ever, as though we don't know each other at all, and I ended up leaving after a little over half an hour because neither of us could think of anything to say. We had planned to go to this open-mike thing, because we go to it every month. Apparently he didn't like the prospect of spending a couple of hours alone with me (though he never minded before) so he bribed a couple of our friends by washing their dishes and giving them Oreos (and he's VERY possessive of his Oreos because you can't get them in this town, so whenever he goes home he brings a big box down with him) and we ended up not going to the open-mike thing, but instead went to the Student Union to play pool, because our friends were both so opposed to going to it and he clearly didn't want to go with just me.
Anyway,I miss him. A lot. Ideally, I'd like it if we'd never broken up at all, but because that's clearly impossible, I just wish things could go back to the way they were before we started going out, but I don't always think it's possible. It feels good to get that out, though.
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Post by Spammich on Feb 19, 2008 17:12:03 GMT -5
-gives hugs to alba-
I'm happy you shared with us, because I could tell you were sad. Something along hte same lines happened to me in Middle School when I had a crush on the school Bad Boy and we were great friends for like a year, but then we fell apart because I think a "friend" of mine told him that I had a crush on him. Oh well, I still got to listen to his brogue for a little while when he got drunk once.
I think that a lot of parents these days are having problems. My mother is verbally abusive at times and my Dad hasn't been able to stand her for the last four years, but he hasn't divorced her because he doesn't want my sister (who is still under 18 right now) to have to live with her for two weeks every month. They are probably most likely getting a divorce this year around September. Which scares me a little... I love my mom, and she isn't smart and only has a highschool education and is technologically retarded... She has a little job which pays her 700 dollars a month, but that isn't enough to live in Southern California, barely anywhere anymore. I'm also worried about myself, because if my Dad moves, I don't want to leave where I am =/
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Post by alba on Feb 19, 2008 17:22:04 GMT -5
Thanks for the hugs, Spammich. I really hope things work out between us because, besides being one of my best friends, he's also friends with all of my friends so I can't wholly avoid him ever.
I'm sorry to hear about your parents *hugs*. I hope things work out okay.
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Post by AndrogynousMelon on Feb 19, 2008 19:31:16 GMT -5
Aww alba that blows. I like to know people before I date them too, and most of them have reverted back to friends with time anyway. But it does take time and it can be terrible sorts of awkward. Maybe the timing for a romantic relationship between the pair of you just isn't right. I hope you at least get to be good friends again.
I had that whole "friend tells boy you like you like him" thing happen too Spam. Only I was so shy and socially awkward I burst into tears when I found out which of course made it so much worse. Kids can be so mean D= I've only ever been monogamous- I am far too possessive and jealous to be with more than one person. I don't share well, and I want that person I'm with to be mine and just mine and feel the same for me; theirs and just theirs end of story. Yes I've got that mate-for-life mentality. Romance are a tricky field, though, and from where I'm at now I do think you need failed relationships to understand what you need from other people. Genders never really factored into it, or what they look like. I just don't care. If that person makes me happy and gives me what I need, and I make them happy and give them what they need- why should a face or whether or not their parts dangle have a place in it? Though I admit, I take females less seriously than I do males. I've had relationships with women, but they never really got past fun flirty date timez.
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Post by child-of-fae on Feb 19, 2008 19:49:50 GMT -5
last time i hopped a fence it was to get a basketball that was by the parkway.
i ripped a hold in my jeans..... my friends laughed cause the fence was stuck IN my pants.
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